Could you be a world record holder!

In November, SPP and Rosebud Astral will be presenting a joint theatrical event not to be missed. To mark our new merged theatre group, we are presenting one very special play and only one performance…. but there’s a kicker. The one performance goes for 30 hours and this is an officially recognised Guinness World record attempt for the world’s longest play. Imagine being able to tell your family and friends that you are a Guinness World record holder!


Saturday 4th of August
9.00 am – 5.00 pm
More times to be announced


Contact Brendan Croft
M: 0428 894 914


All cast will be required to make a commitment to the show and be available for all rehearsals, and obviously for the show dates.

Audition forms will be available to fill in before your audition.


Rehearsals are held Monday and Thursday nights. Closer to the show there will also be Sunday rehearsals.
First Rehearsal: Thursday 16th of August.

Set building:

From the first Sunday in October we will begin set building and we would like all the help we can get from cast and friends.


Only one performance, but oh what a performance it will be.
Saturday 3rd to Sunday 4th November

Audition material:

Dialog parts will be available soon:


The play begins with the Smiths sitting around in their living room talking about a lot of nothing. Mrs. Smith recounts to her husband all the things that have happened that evening, even though he was there. Next they discuss a family in which everyone is named Bobby Watson. The Smiths seem to forget from moment to moment whether a certain Bobby Watson is alive or dead.

The Smith’s maid, Mary, arrives and announces that the Martins are waiting outside. Mr. and Mrs. Smith hurry upstairs to change clothes. Mary shows the Martins into the living room, yells at them for being late, and then exits. It turns out that the Martins don’t remember each other even though they apparently live in the same house, sleep in the same bed, and traveled on the same train together. Eventually, through an extended process of elimination they decide that they must be a married couple. Of course, Mary blows a hole in their theory. She tells the audience that, in fact, the Martins’ reasoning is faulty, and that they aren’t who they think they are at all.

The Smiths eventually rejoin their guests. The two couples sit around talking about unremarkable events, like the fact that Mrs. Martin saw a man tying his shoe. They all are amazed at this “fantastic” story. Eventually, the Fire Chief arrives. He’s come to see if there is a fire in the house and is very depressed to find out there isn’t one. Since he’s apparently got nothing better to do, he settles in and shares some weird fables. Mary, the maid, busts in and tries to share some stories of her own. The Fire Chief suddenly recognizes Mary – she was his first love. The Smiths are very offended that Mary, the lowly maid, would want to share stories. They push her offstage as she recites a poem dedicated to the Fire Chief.

The Fire Chief takes his leave, saying that there’s a fire across town that he must see to. After he leaves, the play goes totally haywire. The characters start spewing totally random non-sequiturs, clichés, and mutilated aphorisms. Eventually, the lights go out and we hear them screaming, “It’s not that way, it’s over here!” over and over again in the darkness (564). When the lights come back up, the Martins are in the same positions the Smiths were in at the beginning of the play. The curtain fall as the play begins again with the Martins saying the same lines that the Smiths did in the first scene.

Role Descriptions:

Mr. Smith

A stuffy, boring middle-class Englishman. Very one-dimensional, talks in cliches and makes dull observations. Unlike Mr. Martin, he loves to disagree with his wife. His genericness makes him an everyman. At the end of the play, he changes roles with Mr. Martin.

Mrs. Smith

A talkative woman who goes on and on about what she ate, a parody of English bourgeois like her husband- talking in cliches, repetitive dialogue, constant bickering, and non-sequiturs. At the end of the play, she swaps roles with Mrs. Martin.

Mr. Martin

More accomplished and developed than Mr. Smith, as he can remember his wife, but he is essentially the same person as they trade places at the end of the play.

Mrs. Martin

Counterpart to Mrs. Smith, and wife of Mr. Martin, a more opinionated character, who may not be a deep thinker but has more to say than the other four main characters. Trades places with Mrs. Smith at the end of the play.


The pushy maid character, as seen in many of Ionesco’s plays. She works for the Smiths. She had a past relationship with the Fire Chief.

Fire Chief

Appears randomly to put out a non-existent fire. The most developed character, but the smallest role, the Fire Chief is the male lover/hero character in this play.


Audition Readings

All applicants will be required to read one of the short exerts below for the role/s they are auditioning for. In addition you may also read a prepared monologue of not longer than 2 minutes.

*A larger reading for the Fire Chief is coming*

Mr. & Mrs. Smith

MRS. SMITH: Yogurt is excellent for the stomach, the kidneys, the appendicitis, and apotheosis. It was Doctor Mackenzie-King who told me that, he’s the one who takes care of the children of our neighbors, the Johns. He’s a good doctor. One can trust him. He never prescribes any medicine that he’s not tried out on himself first. Before operating on Parker, he had his own liver operated on first, although he was not the least bit ill.

SMITH:But how does it happen that the doctor pulled through while Parker died?

MRS. SMITH: Because the operation was successful in the doctor’s case and it was not in Parker’s.

SMITH:Then Mackenzie is not a good doctor. The operation should have succeeded with both of them or else both should have died.


SMITH:A conscientious doctor must die with his patient if they can’t get well together. The captain of a ship goes down with his ship into the briny deep, he does not survive alone.

MRS. SMITH: One cannot compare a patient with a ship.

SMITH:Why not? A ship has its diseases too moreover, your doctor is as hale as a ship; that’s why he should have perished at the same time as his patient, like the captain and his ship.

MRS. SMITH: Ah! I hadn’t thought of that… Perhaps it is true… And then, what conclusion do you draw from this?

SMITH:All doctors are quacks. And all patients too. Only the Royal Navy is honest in England.

MRS. SMITH: But not sailors.

SMITH:Naturally [A pause. Still reading his paper:]Here’s a thing I don’t understand. In the newspaper they always give the age of deceased persons but never the age of the newly born. That doesn’t make sense.

MRS. SMITH: I never thought of that! [Another moment of silence. The clock strikes seven times. Silence. The clock strikes three times. Silence. The clock doesn’t strike.]

SMITH [still reading his paper]:Tsk, it says here that Bobby Watson died.

MRS. SMITH: My God, the poor man! When did he die?

SMITH:Why do you pretend to be astonished? You know very well that he’s been dead these past two years. Surely you remember that we attended his funeral a year and a half ago.

MRS. SMITH: Oh yes, of course I do remember. I remembered it right away, but I don’t understand why you yourself were so surprised to see it in the paper.

MR. SMITH: It wasn’t in the paper. It’s been three years since his death was announced. I remembered it through an association of ideas.

Mr. & Mrs. Martin

MR. MARTIN: Excuse me, madam, but it seems to me, unless I’m mistaken, that I’ve met you somewhere before.

MRS. MARTIN: I, too, sir. It seems to me that I ‘ve met you somewhere before.

MR. MARTIN: Was it, by any chance, at Manchester that I caught a glimpse of you, madam?

MRS. MARTIN: That is very possible. I am originally from the city of Manchester. But I do not have a good memory, sir. I cannot say whether it was there that I caught a glimpse of you or not!

MR. MARTIN: Good God, that’s curious! I, too, am originally from the city of Manchester, madam!

MRS. MARTIN: That is curious!

MR. MARTIN: Isn’t that curious! Only, I, madam, I left the city of Manchester about five weeks ago.

MRS. MARTIN: That is curious! What a bizarre coincidence! I, too, sir, I left the city of Manchester about five weeks ago.

MR. MARTIN: Madam, I took the 8:30 morning train which arrives in London at 4:45.

MRS. MARTIN: That is curious! How very bizarre! And what a coincidence! I took the same train, sir, I too.

MR. MARTIN: Good Lord, how curious! Perhaps then, madam, it was on the train that I saw you?

MRS. MARTIN: It is indeed possible that is, not unlikely. It is plausible and, after all, why not!–But I don’t recall it, sir!

MR. MARTIN: I traveled second class, madam. There is no second class in England, but I always travel second class.

MRS. MARTIN: That is curious! How very bizarre! And what a coincidence! I, too, sir, I traveled second class.

MR. MARTIN: How curious that is! Perhaps we did meet in second class, my dear lady!

MRS. MARTIN: That is certainly possible, and it is not at all unlikely. But I do not remember very well, my dear sir!

MR. MARTIN: MY seat was in coach No. 8, compartment 6, my dear lady.

MRS. MARTIN: How curious that is! MY seat was also in coach No. 8, compartment 6, my dear sir!


MARY: Elizabeth and Donald are now too happy to be able to hear me. I can therefore let you in on a secret. Elizabeth is not Elizabeth, Donald is not Donald. And here is the proof: the child that Donald spoke of is not Elizabeth’s daughter, they are not the same person. Donald’s daughter has one white eye and one red eye like Elizabeth’s daughter. Whereas Donald’s child has a white right eye and a red left eye, Elizabeth’s child has a red right eye and a white left eye! Thus all of Donald’s system of deduction collapses when it comes up against this last obstacle which destroys his whole theory. In spite of the extraordinary coincidences which seem to be definitive proofs, Donald and Elizabeth, not being the parents of the same child, are not Donald and Elizabeth. It is in vain that he thinks he is Donald, it is in vain that she thinks she is Elizabeth. He believes in vain that she is Elizabeth. She believes in vain that he is Donald–they are sadly deceived. But who is the true Donald? Who is the true Elizabeth? Who has any interest in prolonging this confusion? I don’t know. Let’s not try to know. Let’s leave things as they are. [She takes several steps toward the door, then returns and says to the audience:] My real name is Sherlock Holmes. [She exits.]

Fire Chief

Fire Chief: “‘The Dog and the Cow,’ an experimental fable. Once upon a time another cow asked another dog: ‘Why have you not swallowed your trunk?’ ‘Pardon me,’ replied the dog, ‘it is because I thought that I was an elephant.'”
Mrs. Martin: “What’s the moral?”
Fire Chief: “That’s for you to find out.” (251-253)


FIRE CHIEF: I am going to reconcile you. You both are partly right. When the doorbell rings, sometimes there is someone, other times there is no one.